*IMPORTANT* If you know me in person, please don't tell anyone! We'd like to keep this low-key for now. Thanks!

Guess what?

The wait is over! Kari is getting a sibling! I haven't told my husband yet. Well, I sort of did. But I don't think he got the hint so after I pick Kari up from daycare today, we're going to get her a "sister" shirt from Target and surprise daddy when he gets home! I'm so excited.

For those of you who are interested in the details, read on. Otherwise, that's all for the news!

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Getting pregnant this time was a lot different from last time (read more about Kari's conception here). This time, we were planning it so the process was a bit different. There was a lot of obsessing and impatience with a side of disappointments, but I'm very thankful that it was easy for us. It only took us 3 months and I'm going to consider us fortunate! My cycles were longer than average, probably because of breastfeeding. It was also a little bit challenging to pinpoint ovulation dates because I have a "slow rise" pattern. After ovulation, instead of my BBT shooting up all at once, it slowly climbs.

Cycle 1: New to BBT charting, still getting the hang of things. No OPKs were used. Not really surprised that things didn't work out this time.

Cycle 2: Was very comfortable BBT charting by this point. Used OPKs, timed everything right. Did not get pregnant and was surprised and disappointed as we did everything right.

Cycle 3: Decided to chill out and stop obsessing so much. Still charted BBT, still used OPKs. Timing was good, I was relaxed. My post ovulation temperatures were different from the first two cycles-- temp wasn't as high but it was more consistent. That's what made me suspect that I was pregnant because it was so different from the previous two cycles. Also had "twinges" reminiscent of round ligament pain and increased urgency (ha-ha, not frequency, just urgency) to pee. Got a positive ClinicalGuard (internet cheapie) test 9 days after ovulation! It was such a faint positive I couldn't tell if it was an evap or indent line. So I tested again, and same result. Tested one more time in the morning (10DPO), it had gotten slightly darker to the point where I was absolutely sure it was there! I went out and got a First Response Early Result test, and it came up very obviously positive!

Here's a smorgasbord of images if you're interested: my charts and positive pregnancy tests!

Cycle 3 vs. Cycles 1 & 2

Cycle 3 (the pregnant cycle!)

Test One

Test Two

Pregnancy confirmed!

Breastfeeding Swan Song

Well, here it is. The end of breastfeeding is beginning.

For the past couple of months, Kari hasn't been super into nursing. She's never been much of a comfort nurser to begin with, what with the tongue/lip tie issues in the beginning and her paci addiction (not complaining about that, it helps her sleep through the night). Over the past few months, my letdown has been getting slower to start and Kari's been getting more impatient when she doesn't get milk right away. Now, at 10 months old, she's down to one feeding in the afternoon, one right before bed, and one in the morning. I talked to two different pediatricians about it and they both said that since she's a great eater and gets plenty of solids, it would be okay at this point if she no longer wanted milk.

I wasn't expecting to be sad about this at all. With all the pain and trouble it was at the beginning, I thought I would be relieved once it all ended. I'm not relieved, though. I'm sad. Maybe it's because we worked so hard for this and now that it's finally easy for us, it's starting to end. It might be because I thought we'd have more time. I thought she'd want to nurse until at least 18 months or even 2 years old. I was even considering tandem nursing her and her future sibling (not pregnant yet, just dreaming).

I cried a little when I packed up the pump and all of her bottles. With just the afternoon feed to worry about during the day, I don't really need to pump anymore. My class schedule lets me pick her up by 3:30 when she's due for milk. For a while, I pumped once in the morning along with her afternoon feed because I was afraid she'd want milk during the day again and I wouldn't have enough. I was squirreling all the extra away in the freezer because I was afraid my milk would dry up when she still needed it, even though the pediatrician said not to worry. About a week ago, someone I previously donated milk to messaged me on Facebook asking if I had any extra because she was running low. I wasn't planning on donating and I considered saying no. But I gave her some because being a mom is hard enough without having to worry about where your baby's next meal is coming from. She has a reason to worry. I was worrying for no reason. My baby has enough. Her doctor is okay with her being exclusively fed solids. I'm still producing enough for her needs. She still has an ample supply in the freezer. Once Kari hits the 12 month mark, I'll probably donate the rest of her freezer stash to the mama in need. Her baby needs it more.

That's what helped me decide to stop pumping and stop trying to force our breastfeeding relationship to last as long as I want it to last. Kari wants to be done earlier than I want her to be done. And that's okay. Our connection isn't based purely off of breastfeeding. I know I can count on her for an unlimited supply of baby snuggles and kisses, at least until the moody teenage years hit. But I have to remember that she's growing. She's not a helpless newborn anymore. She's got opinions, likes and dislikes, and a blossoming personality. Also, she's lost that sweet newborn smell. TBH, she smells like a wet dog if I don't use soap on her at least every other day. I'll always love her, though. She'll always be my baby. Wet dog smell and all.

Home Stretch (and Other Musings)

Well, it’s April 2nd. Last day of class is May 7th. This is it! I just need to pass this semester (minus clinic, of course). I’ll officially begin my life as a TSAHM...Temporary Stay at Home Mom. I’m pretty excited about being able to spend more time with my baby girl...though she won’t be a baby for much longer... *sob*.

So far, I’m doing pretty well in Periodontology and Clinic Theory. I wasn’t doing too well in Pharmacology or Dental Materials, but by the grace of the universe, we’ve had three spur-of-the-moment, open note quizzes between the two classes and our next pharm test is going to be a take home test. SO. THANKFUL. So with all that in consideration, I’ll pass all my classes! Still trying to figure out when I made the transition from Straight A Student to C’s Get Degrees. Whatever. 

On another note, I’m not pregnant yet. Even though we did everything right last cycle, it didn’t happen. It’s okay, though. I was probably way too stressed about it because of my school timeline and wanting to have the baby before I go back to school in January. We’ve decided to keep trying even though it means I’ll be giving birth while I’m trying to pass Clinic I. It’ll be my only class so I guess it won’t be horrible, and I’ll definitely have a very strong support system. We’ll see what happens! Just gonna relax and go with the flow. 

I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year will bring. It’s gonna be great!

Spring Break, Two Week Wait, and a "What If"

The Thinker: Spring Break Version

Guess who turned 9 months old over spring break?

My baby.

I swear, time goes by faster the older she gets.

We had an amazing time at Great Wolf Lodge, though! My little bubble guppy did great with the water (as usual...we go to the pool a lot). We plan on going back once she's walking. It would probably be even more fun for her to be able to explore the different structures and go down slides. We also watched the animatronic show at the lobby clock tower-- she was afraid in the beginning and dancing to the music by the end! She also loved the person in the wolf mascot suit. I think she thought it was a giant, living stuffed animal. And she loves stuffed animals, so...

Moving on to the second topic of this post: TWW! (For the uninitiated: Two Week Wait)

Charting has been a huge help so far, especially since my cycles are still super long and weird from breastfeeding. This time around, we did the baby dance at all the right times so HOPEFULLY this is our month. No biggie if it's not, though. No sense stressing about it! Currently trying to resist taking a pregnancy test because I know it's way too early for it to show up if I'm pregnant. I had to write "test dates" on my tests so I'm less tempted to just take them as I please (I know, I'm crazy).

I think we'll be done after two kids. I'd love to have three, but I honestly don't know how a) we would be able to afford three kids and b) have enough time to give them individual attention. But that's a decision for later. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to take things one step at a time and not to plan too far ahead. Because stuff never works out when you plan too far.

This Month's Chart

Alright, third topic: what can I do with my life if I end up deciding not to finish dental hygiene school? Answer: the only thing I can realistically do (that would generate enough income to support a family) is open a business.

To be honest, I have no freaking clue how to do that. Or if it'll even work. I mean, I'm 21 years old with an associate's degree in nothing and we don't have a whole lot of money. So how am I even supposed to get a business loan? Not to mention, I don't know what to open a business for. I've got a lot of different ideas floating around but none of them seem exactly right for me at this moment. Anyway, it's just a thought. I'll most likely just finish hygiene school. I guess I've got a whole year to think about it before next spring semester starts and I basically commit myself to finishing school. We'll see what happens!

Sick Days, Teething, and Sleep Regression

My sweet baby has been super clingy and fussy these past few days. And for the past few weeks, she's been tugging at her ears. I thought she was just teething because she keeps licking her top gums. But last Wednesday night, she started running a low-grade fever. So I took her to the pediatrician last Thursday morning to rule out an ear infection. They took her temperature and there was no fever. Nor were there any signs of an ear infection or any other bacterial infection. The pediatrician mentioned that she had some congestion and her top gums were swollen. Kari's also been licking her upper gums a lot, drooling a lot more, has had crazy diaper rashes, and seems to be uncomfortable when she eats. Doctor said she was probably just teething and maybe had a virus, but was okay to go to daycare because there wasn't a fever. So I took her to daycare a little later and went to class. I left my phone at home (second time that week, yeesh) so I missed the phone call from daycare saying I had to go pick Kari up. Thankfully, I checked my email-- daycare emailed me saying a) I didn't pick up the phone and my voicemail box was full and b) that Kari had a fever of 100.7 and had to be picked up immediately. Hell of a day to forget my phone. When I got to daycare, Kari was super grumpy. And I felt super guilty. But we made it home and after some snuggles, she was able to nap on and off. She's okay now, I think. Her temperature went back to normal but she's still pretty fussy...which brings us to teething, separation anxiety, and the 8-10 month sleep regression.

Kari's "Symptoms"

• Increased night-waking: went from 0-2 snacks a night to waking 3-5 times a night
• Increased clinginess/fussiness: went from happily playing by herself to crying and reaching for me whenever I put her down
• Separation anxiety: cries when I leave her field of vision even if other familiar people are in the room
• Reverse separation anxiety (???): goes from happy to crying/begging to be held when I enter the room
• Resisting bedtime: fights sleep and cries if I leave the room before she's asleep
• Decreased appetite: went from eating like a commercial hoover to eating smaller amounts less frequently 

I didn't even know there was supposed to be a sleep regression at this point. Honestly, I probably read about it when I was reading an article on the 4 month sleep regression (we actually ended up dodging that bullet) but I probably thought 8/9/10 months old was "forever" away and didn't pay attention. News flash: the older Kari gets, the faster time passes. So after a few days of running on fumes, I finally consulted Dr. Google, who informed me that there was an 8-10 month sleep regression that's generally fueled by things like learning how to crawl, teething, and object permanence/separation anxiety. Knowledge doesn't make me feel less tired, but it definitely makes me feel less incompetent! Hopefully this all blows over soon or I'm gonna have to start propping my eyelids up with toothpicks.

I Owe Myself $100.

Boom.

I deferred school.

And I owe myself $100 now because I made a bet that life wouldn't work out the way I planned it.

This is what happened:

I had a patient from our patient pool. He came in for his first two appointments. Then, out of nowhere, he decided he never wanted to come back again. A 44 year old, unmarried man, told me his wife told him he wasn't allowed to drive in foggy weather. And also that the cleaning appointments "took too long" and she said he couldn't come back. Even though he and his imaginary wife were made well aware that the appointments would take 4 hours each and he would need more than one appointment. I don't know what happened. Maybe an instructor poked him too hard or something. I'm just miffed he didn't have the gall to tell the truth. I honestly would've have been less pissed if he'd just told me the real reason why he didn't want to come back. Whatever the reason, he stopped answering our phone calls and therefore was dismissed from our clinic. Since nothing in dental hygiene school is ever fair or sensible, I got no credit for the 3 days I wasted on him. Because of that, it would've been almost impossible for me to finish all my patient requirements in time. I'd have to get EXTREMELY lucky. Everything would have to go 100% perfect and given my track record for more patient cancellations than actual clinic days, I decided not to take my chances.

So, I'm finishing out my didactic classes for the semester and deferring Clinic I. Next spring, assuming I don't find something else I want to do with my life, I'm going to come back and try Clinic I again. That means I won't graduate with my current class, but that's okay. The universe has a plan. Hopefully I'll have better luck next year. On the bright side, I can now spend more time with Kari. I'm not worried or upset. Nor do I have a plan this time. I'm just going to take life as it comes with the knowledge that everything will work out in the end.

As for trying to conceive another baby, we're still gonna do it. It makes slightly more sense now since I'm putting school on hiatus. I might as well knock out more of my life goals. Not to mention, the only class I'd have when Baby 2 is a newborn would be clinic. I wouldn't have any other classes that semester because I'm finishing them all now. Baby 2 would be older by the time I have a full course load again so it might actually work out better than we originally thought. The universe has a plan.

Bring It On

This semester got off on a rocky start. First day of class was canceled because it snowed, then we had more snow cancellations a week later. Before we even finished making up classes from the first cancellation. Thankfully, we're all caught up now. All it took was me failing four quizzes. I was so thrown off with daycare closings + school closings + makeup classes and assignments, I kinda just gave up on school for the first month. Is there such thing as a quarter-semester crisis? Or did I get my mid-semester crisis* early and therefore won't have to worry about it later? The world may never know.

Fast forward to today. I'm currently typing this while power pumping. Why? My milk supply tanked. Not sure if it's because a) I have to go 5-6 hours without pumping on Tuesdays and Wednesdays since we're seeing real patients in clinic this semester, b) Kari is about to be 8 months old next week and my body is slowing things down, c) Kari started occasionally sleeping through the night, or d) I'm pregnant.

Yep. I might be pregnant. Of course, if my milk supply is dropping because I'm pregnant, power pumping probably won't work and we may have to supplement a bit of formula until Kari hits the 1 year mark. I have a ridiculous case of sore nips when pumping or breastfeeding, almost like they're bruised. Unfortunately, Dr. Google isn't very well trained and can't seem to decide whether my symptoms are pregnancy, ovulation, my period coming, or Kari teething. To be fair to her, she's only bit me once recently with her sharp little tooth nibblets. It's a bit too soon to tell if I'm pregnant because my period isn't due for another 5 days or so and I'm pretty sure implantation didn't happen until yesterday (if implantation dip is even a thing). More on that here:

I downloaded the Natural Cycles app about a month ago when my IUD fell out (not even joking, apparently my body just abhors birth control). It's supposed to be certified in the EU to be used as a contraceptive and basically runs off an algorithm to detect when you ovulate based on basal body temperature (BBT). My original intention was to use it as birth control since I've kinda exhausted my birth control options**. And then, in my sleep deprived and stress-riddled haze, Hubby and I decided to try for another baby. I shit you not. In the middle of my 2nd semester of the most difficult program my college has to offer, we want to have another baby. Partially for financial reasons because of daycare grants through my school. But mostly because we just want another squishy newborn. So tracking my BBT became a conceptive (is that even a word???) instead of a contraceptive. I'm probably going to be kicking myself later when I'm neck-deep in my last semester of school and about to take my boards (ha, if I even make it that far), but in the long run, it might be better this way. We already know we want our first two kids close in age (still debating if we want a third). If we try for a baby right after I finish school, I'd be asking my job for maternity leave not even a year into working. Even though it's technically illegal, they'd probably find a reason to fire me instead of giving me time off. So while it's going to be super difficult to have another baby before I finish school, it makes more sense from a financial and long-term logistical perspective. And if I fail out/get overwhelmed with school, at least I can come back/defer.

After this baby, we'll probably wait 2-3 years before trying one last time if we want a third. That way, I'm less likely to get fired for taking time off right after I get hired.

So that's what's going on in the life of moi. $100 says absolutely nothing is going to work out like I'm planning it and we will all be pleasantly surprised in the end. Will update soon***.


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*Mid-semester crisis-- point in the semester where I want to drop out and stop caring about my grades, before I realize how much I need to graduate and kick my ass back into gear.

**I got pregnant on the combo-pill, mini-pill tanked my milk supply and made me feel like crap, and my copper IUD fell out.

***By soon, I mean eventually when I have time.